Ripples
by Shannon
2nd Place Winner 2005 Fireside Stories
As windows are the portals to our lives, ripples are what mold us. Found in the sands of time, the emotional pools that collect in the souls of the mortals, even in the simple forms of nature are these ripples. A cause and effect action if you please, for the ripple is just the event, there has to be a reason for the change. Over the chain of events it's obvious the domino pattern that's developed, this, is life. Ripples can roll outward from their starting point for the entire existence of the living soul, or just enough to leave an impression, to remind us that we aren't in control in the game of life. Ripples, that which can be started from the smallest cause, to the greatest collision, are in every form that which you can't forget, and that which you wish to.
In my quest through the windows of life I found myself battling with the flames of a fire not I controlled, but one I felt consume me night after night in the darkness that bred fear and doubt. This fire, was your love, a flame that should be forbidden to the mortals, for what are we to be deserving of your everlasting devotion, so unyielding and strong. What was I to give to the one who had it all, what was I in the sands of time but all that I am, a lost and weary traveler whom was granted the shelter of an angel whom I felt his love and could not live without it.
That night that I was given shelter in your cloak; you gave me secrets to hold forever more, you dried my tears, but you missed one, and from that tear, a ripple formed. A ripple like no other, one that will not be overthrown, one that continues to blossom and bloom in the face of all. I never expected from two strangers lost in the world, afraid to trust, afraid of love, to find such wonders in each other, to tempt the rivers and cause rise to floods. From the smallest saltine orb ran a ripple that spawned across a heart that knows no end. And still it draws from flames the will to exalt, to claim rise to wonder and become never ending.
Sometimes ripples harbor the most favorable emotions, joy, happiness, wonder, faith, yet sometimes the ripple was one that Pandora herself started, fear, hurt, confusion, loss, and yet hope, even Pandora was pitied in her ripple she created for all. In all the glory of the creation of the ripple it isn't always one that's blessed. A ripple can be shunned and tossed aside as though there's no claim to the deed that was done, these ripples we all live with, some live with them and try and forget them, some cast them away as though they deserve nothing but the best, and then, some dwell on them. Why it is so no one knows, sometimes not even the ripple's creator, for sometimes the mind is a powerful tool that the possessor doesn't always have the skill to master.
Like all others I am a creator of both ripples, those that are favorable, and those that are of the dark materials. There were times when I in a realm with you guarding over me made choices that I regret, that I will always regret. These ripples that were created are a weight on my heart, a reminder of the truth of my existence, and the truth of me. There were times in my confusion, in my jealousy; in emotional battles the humans know no words for that I lashed out at you. Though all you wished to do was find a way, to keep peace in the wonders of the world, to allow happiness in the souls of friends, family and the one you loved. In my imperfection I drew from you a pain, a hurt that I never wished to grant you, a ripple that's caused me tears of regret, thoughts of sorrow, and the constant knowledge of my unforgiving presence towards myself, towards the horror of the pain that I'd caused. A ripple that's torn across my soul like a wildfire, leaving bare all emotions and causing the once clear waters to cloud, to grow deep, and to lose sight of my reflection in their surface.
When you forgave me time and time again you did not know the conditions you forgave under, the fact that I couldn't forgive, nor could I forget... That everyday I found myself sinking deeper and deeper in love with you, yet falling farther and farther into a self-torment that was my regret. For the impact of a ripple can control your fates, I struggle with a ripple I know not the powers of, one that has the power to bring me to my knees, that can take the very breath from my being, that's left me exposed to all elements. A ripple that's convinced me that lost here in the darkness I am nothing. Turning over and over in my mind while enclosed in the comforts of your love this terrible thought haunts me, drives me to the tears that so effortlessly create new waves of ripples to carry on the mission of remembrance, that reminds me I do not forgive and I do not forget...
Today, sitting by a darkened pool I try desperately to gaze into the waters, deep and dark, clouded by the memories that haunt me. Footprints in the sand mark where I've been on this sandy entrapment, and yet behind me I hear your footsteps, so light on the warm sands, the same sands that offer me no comfort as I stare into a sinking soul, a soul that is my own, that I know not how to rescue, yet I know not how to free, yet it is I who's left thy mortal to sink in a pool where the depth had fooled the eye at first entry. As you wrap your arms around me and tears escape once more to create a ripple in the motionless stream a soft reflection is seen for a glimpsing moment, quickly fleeting in and out of view, this is hope for tomorrow, the only glitter that came with Pandora's given ripple. Hope.
" No one can ever promise you they will never hurt you, because at one time or another it will happen. The real promise is if the time you spent together will be worth the pain in the end."